Jonathan Lee Riches filed suit in U.S. District Court in Richmond, Va., stating that watching races "influenced him to speed ... doing 135 mph and getting tickets."

And that's not all. He said his NASCAR addiction caused him to use "illegally obtained credit cards to attend races," and once there, he used more stolen credit cards to purchase products hawked by race drivers.

"I used (Kyle) Petty's Discover Card to buy Mark Martin Viagra," states the tardy complaint. (Viagra no longer sponsors Martin's car.)

Riches said he bought race tickets using credit cards that he admitted were fraudulent, "but the defendants insisted they did not care and encouraged me to buy Budweiser beer and funnel cake with more stolen funds."

He concludes by claiming that Jeff Gordon's DuPont-sponsored car "poisoned me with DuPont chemicals. I pray this court will grant my motions for relief. I don't want to die in prison."

I used to cover the federal court beat in Baton Rouge long ago. Inmates were always filing ridiculous lawsuits, but one in particular stood out. This suit was filed just before the old Skylab space station was due to burn up in the atmosphere. The inmate sued, claiming that because he was incarcerated he couldn't escape Skylab if it fell on the prison.