European GP preview
This is a little bit different take on a press release and race preview. We thought it was a funny and refreshing read, though not typically our style. Enjoy...
Most continents appear to have a clear identity, however, trying to describe what constitutes being European seems to be the cause of much confusion. Therefore pinpointing what the European GP stands for, apart from a handy way of squeezing two races into Spain, is a difficult if not impossible task. Intensive psychological research concludes that humor is the best way to evaluate the differences that go to make Europe the most mixed up continent on the planet…
A cruise ship with English, French, German and Italian passengers starts to sink in the Mediterranean (off the coast of Valencia.) As the Captain tries to bring the ship nearer to land, he sends his first officer to tell the passengers they must jump off the ship to be rescued. The first officer returns saying all the passengers refused to do what he said. So the Captain goes to sort it out and after a while, all the passengers have jumped in the sea and are rescued. “How did you do that?” asks the first officer. “It’s simple,” replies the Captain: “I told the British it was traditional, the French that it was fashionable, I told the Germans it was an order and the Italians that it was forbidden to jump off the ship.”
A Greek and an Italian were sitting down one day debating who had the superior culture. The Greek says, "We have the Parthenon." The Italian says, "We have the Coliseum." The Greek says, "We had great mathematicians." The Italian says, "We had the Roman Empire." This goes on for several hours until the Greek feels he has the winning argument: "We invented sex." The Italian considers this for a while before replying, "True, but it was we Italians who introduced it to women."
Three boys, one French, one Italian and one German are all going on a first date with a girl and they ask their fathers for advice. The French boy is told to talk about food, so he asks the girl if she likes cheese. “No,” says the girl and the conversation ends. The Italian boy is told to discuss food and family, so he asks the girl if she likes cheese and if she has a brother. “No” is the reply to both questions and the date does not go well. The German boy tries the first two questions, also met with a negative response. But his father had suggested he also discusses philosophy. Thinking for a moment, the boy looks at the girl and says: “but if you did have a brother, do you think he would like cheese?” and they spend hours discussing the hypothetical question.
A prize is offered to the first person to discover a horse with black and white stripes like a zebra. A German, a Frenchman, an Englishman and a Spaniard all hope to win the prize of one million Euros. The German decided to spend weeks in the library researching horses with black and white stripes. The Englishman went straight to a shop specializing in hunting equipment, bought plenty of kit and set off for Africa in his quest for this strange creature. The Frenchman bought himself a horse and painted it black and white. The Spaniard went to the best restaurant in Madrid, ordered an expensive meal for himself with a fine bottle of wine; after the meal he ordered an expensive Havana cigar and a Napoleon brandy, sat in a luxurious armchair in the hotel and began to consider what he would do with a million Euros once he had found this remarkable horse with black and white stripes.
An Englishman, Frenchman, Austrian, German, Belgian, Italian and Spaniard walk into a bar... and the barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
Strictly speaking we shouldn’t include anything about Switzerland, as it is not part of the European Union, but to keep Sebastien Buemi happy, we can point out that Switzerland is the land of peace, understanding, milk chocolate and snow-covered tax benefits. And as Orson Welles pointed out about the Swiss: “five hundred years of democracy and peace and what did they produce? The cuckoo clock.” It you have ever received a picture postcard from a friend on holiday in Helvetia, the message probably read: “having a wonderful time, where am I?”